My best wasn’t enough.
I get that.
attempting to hide your desperate need for breath after a short flight of stairs
I really hate you and how you text me all the stupid bullshit you do, and degrade me and how I’m so okay with it all.
Thank you! I take pride in them so that basically made my night :)
'The Stitch is Lost Unless the Thread is Knotted' by Aya Haidar
I’ve been a lot more mindful of my eating this week and it’s having a good positive reaction on my mood. I’m starting to want to take care of myself now, and really care what I look like again in the best way because I know I’m worth it. I don’t deserve to be treated like a piece
of shit that I let certain people do. I’m so much better than half the people I surround myself with but just for the mere fact of my own feeling of self worth I do it to myself. But I’m starting to say no as hard as it is, and on my own. I started therapy again and it’s not helpful. I feel like I’m just talking but it’s not the same. My therapist used to help me a lot but I feel like a lot of the things I’m facing now are conflicts I continue to do to myself. I’m very manic and I’m not always going to blame my bi-polar disorder but I need to do things on my own. I’m tired of taking pills everyday and people telling me the dosages are wrong. If I never starved myself to the point where my body started eating itself alive would I even be bi-polar? Would my neurotransmitters be messed up? I think these things almost everyday and I’ll never have these answers and I want to scream and cry because no one else understands this frustration. Would I have polysistic ovarian syndrome and not be able to have kids? I know I’m completely going off now but it’s such bullshit that I want answers to.
Full head highlights I did today.